A Queer Teen’s Journey through Bullying and Rejection

Salvador “Chavito” Rios was very humble, sure of himself, and loved life. Every time he walked into public, he felt comfortable. He attracted attention most of the time as some people admired him for being openly gay while some made fun of him, called him names, or cursed at him. Chavito did not care. He kept his head up and kept going his way.

Chavito always carried one of his favorite Barbie dolls with him. When he and his mom, Eunice Rios, went to see the movie “Barbie” in the Summer of 2023, Chavito wore a pink Barbie hat, rainbow polka dot vest, light pink shorts, light blue comfortable tennis shoes, a Gucci fanny pack and smelled like flowers.

Chavito played with his doll collection at home, which ranged from mermaids to witches to Barbies. One of his favorite hobbies was cooking dishes like chilaquiles and ceviche for his mom and little brother, Fernando, during the weekends.

“Chavito was very feminine, unique, and loved cooking healthy meals,” Eunice Rios says of the eldest son.

Eunice, 45, was born in San Diego to immigrant parents from the Mexicans of Michoacan. Rios studied administrative justice, paralegal studies, and business management and eventually worked at a job where she helped sex trafficking victims before taking different jobs in fast-food restaurants and office work. Rios met the first love of her life, Salvador, when she worked at Jack in the Box. It wasn’t long before they married and had three kids: their eldest daughter Mirna, Salvador “Chavito,” and Fernando.

These days, her style is more hard-edged. She wears a septum piercing, a heart-shaped tattoo on the right side of her chest, and three tiny colorful hearts with a snail tattoo on her left arm, depicting each of her three children.

Chavito’s father, Salvador, 52, has short black hair streaked with black shirt and jeans and comes across as very manly in a traditional old-fashioned way. He is a man of few words, but he made clear that he didn’t accept his son’s sexuality. He would become particularly aggressive with Chavito when he exhibited any queer mannerisms and direct abusive language toward Eunice. In 2022, Eunice filed a domestic violence report and soon separated from Salvador.

Suffering in Silence

The 14-year-old struggled in school. The curriculum, loneliness, and bullying distracted him from succeeding. He didn’t want to share his hardships with his parents or his school due to his father’s lack of support.

Eunice was always protective of Chavito, but always stayed open and honest with her son and asked him how his day was. She was always concerned about who he hung out with so he selected his friends carefully to avoid facing bullying and ended up generally befriending girls. His best friend in middle school was Leslie, with whom he would always fool around. One day, Chavito pushed Leslie, which Leslie’s brother didn’t take kindly. He bullied Chavito, leading him to call his mom’s friend to pick him up from school for fear of his mom finding out.

Chavito was afraid of walking home or taking the bus alone. He once left school early to escape any chance of trouble, but a group of classmates chased him down an entire block away from school. Around fifteen classmates stood by while two of them restrained him and punched him in the face.

A mother recorded the fight on her cell phone and reported the incident to the school. The school never notified Rios, so she pressed charges against the school. Rios says the police arrested only one of the juveniles and released him the same day on the condition he does community work and anger management. She believes the only way the teens “learn their lesson” is by staying in jail.

“My kid not only got hurt for doing nothing, he got hurt because he was gay,” said Rios.

After that incident, Rios transferred Chavito from Marston Middle School to Stanley Middle School in San Diego. Chavito’s luck did not change at Stanley, where he was repeatedly called homosexual slurs. Rios stated that Chavito was called homosexual names in Spanish by a parent when he was waiting for the bus to get home. She reported the incident to the school, which was ignored.

“I filed three bullying incidents against my Chavito at Stanley Middle School, when I knew he was being bullied repeatedly and nothing was done," said Rios.

Rios turned to the cops, who could not take action due to the lack of violence and instead insisted on documenting every instance of harassment.

Chavito’s Last Words

On August 23, 2023, Chavito went to dog-sit for his sister, Mirna, who was about to go on vacation to Hawaii with her boyfriend. He was staying at her sister’s house, which was approximately 20 minutes away from his home.

Around 10 P.M., Chavito called his mom and said “I just want to say I love you.” Rios asked him if he was okay and he replied yes. He sounded at peace but she asked him if he was hungry and could Uber him food if need be. Chavito declined, saying he was not hungry.

Two hours later, Mirna called Eunice and told her that Chavito had hung himself. Mirna knew because she had cameras in the house and called her father. Salvador called Eunice and left voicemails asking her to go to Mirna’s house.

Eunice booked a ride to Mirna's apartment and waited outside when an elderly woman pulled over to ask if she was okay. Eunice explained the situation and the woman gave her a ride to Mirna’s house where Salvador and her youngest son Fernando were. Rios arrived hoping to hear paramedic sirens, as they were a sign that they were trying to save someone.

“I only saw the crime scene tape plastered around the neighborhood and was barred from entering the house," said Rios. The authorities addressed Rios, stating her son had hung himself. Rios says Fernando, saw the crime scene in full: “My Fernandito saw Chavito being hung when his father was taking him down, and repeatedly say I’m sorry Mama, I’m sorry. I was terrified.”

Eunice couldn’t see Chavito until the authorities completed the investigation, lasting over three hours. One of the investigators recommended Rios not to see the body and to wait until the medical examiner had completed his procedure. Rios remembers seeing him in the mortuary bag, screaming for a long time, and hugging Chavito.

Love Your Children

Eunice Rios, who lost her 14-year-old gay son due to bullying and isolation at home and school, calls for more acceptance of LGBTQ+ children and more resources when dealing with bullying. Rios is now raising awareness for other parents who face the same circumstances.

“We cannot cover the sun with one finger. Gay children are born every day,” Rios explains denying acceptance of your children will not fix any real issues. The mother calls for more awareness, support, education, and acceptance for parents with LGBTQ+ children.

Rios says her favorite memory of Chavito was having a healthy kid who was sure of himself, which made her very proud. She will never forget his beautiful face and respected persona. Rios is healing and joining organizations to help parents who have gone through the same situation as her to raise awareness in the community.

The Next Steps

Jewel Forbes, a Project Director with the Los Angeles County of Education, works in mental health awareness and school counseling. Forbes says if parents are experiencing their child being bullied, they need to take the necessary steps to reach out for help. If there is any suspicion of bullying, begin with the school as they are a hub of resources about school happenings on and off campus. School teachers, school psychologists, and principals can be beneficial outlets for issues like bullying. It’s recommended that parents have the report in writing, for school districts to have training, and policies in place.

“There is a lot that the school has to work on when it comes to bullying–my son’s beating is an example,” says Rios, who believes schools need more resources and need to be firmer when dealing with instances of bullying. In cases like Chavito’s where the bully was not suspended or expelled, Rios suggests that schools should admit offenders into a bullying program and only dismiss them when completed.

Forbes says there is still a stigma related to LGBTQ+ children. If possible, LGBTQ+ children and parents should seek resources like school organizations or counseling that can assist in accepting and bettering relationships between students and their parents.

“We are getting to the point where we are addressing the specific issues related to that population,” said Forbes. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) latest reports show that more than a quarter (26.3%) of high school students identifying as lesbian, gay, or bisexual reported attempting suicide in the proper 12 months. This was five times higher than the prevalence among heterosexual students (5.2%).

“The LGBTQ+ youth are already struggling on a day-to-day basis and are elevating to the next level because society recognizes them as being different," said Forbes.

Franklin Romero from the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, who identifies as LGBTQ+, says when “LGBTQ+ youth are confused about their identity and coming out process, their department can offer a lot of support and validation…Identifying as LGBTQ+ also helps the teen connect and open up,” said Romero. Romero also states repeated reminders of their conversations remaining “confidential” aid the discussion.

According to the Trevor Project, an American nonprofit organization that focuses on suicide prevention efforts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning youth, 41% of LGBTQ+ people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year's survey.

Nathan Lichtman, a Training & Outreach Program manager from Didi Hirsch’s Suicide Prevention Center says the majority of callers are LGBTQ+ identified individuals who reach out to the 988 line. Although exact statistics are not available, callers often seek support for issues related to acceptance, bullying, family conflicts, and traumatic incidents, reflecting the diverse challenges faced by this community.

“The line's approach focuses on listening and providing empathy rather than offering advice, aiming to help individuals feel heard and supported during their crisis," said Lichtman. “The line also emphasizes the importance of educating students on how to be accepted at home or school, have support from each other, and recognize signs of struggle in their peers.”

The 988 suicide crisis line also collaborates with organizations like Trans Lifeline and the Trevor Project to provide specific support for transgender individuals. The line also offers services in Spanish and Korean and uses translation services for other languages, ensuring accessibility for diverse communities, The Suicide Crisis Lifeline is confidential, accessible, and available 24 hours a day.