Mrs. Kelly and her husband rarely disagree on anything, except on one topic: whether to send their daughter to private or public schools. Mrs. Kelly prefers private school, while her husband favors public schools.

"My husband and I don't always agree on whether our daughter should attend a private school. Some couples are fully committed to one choice, but I believe many households experience this kind of conflict and tension, which can be stressful," Mrs. Kelly explains, and stated that she prefers her last name only be used in this article.

The conflict in Mrs. Kelly's household is not uncommon and is a decision that many parents grapple with. Some parents explored other tuition-free school options and only turned to private schools when gaining admission to those alternatives proved challenging.

"I explored charter and magnet schools, which are the second tier of tuition-free schooling options. We applied for admission, but it's a lottery, and we didn't secure a spot in the magnet school I had hoped for my daughter. That's when we decided to enroll her in a private school," Mrs. Kelly shares.

Why do parents in good neighborhoods send their children to private schools?

The Mrs. Kelly describes raises a question: why do parents choose to pay for private schools when they have access to quality public schools for free. LA boasts well-funded public schools, many of which offer a variety of advanced placement classes and extracurricular activities.

Evan Arnold, an American actor who has played roles in shows like "Growing Pains" and "The West Wing," and a parent of two children, has firsthand experience with many different religious and secular institutions. ”I started off at a Presbyterian Preschool in Encino, then to Lanai Road Elementary School for kindergarten and first grade, then to Jewish elementary private school for 2nd through 6th grade, and Harvard Westlake for seven through 12, and then I went secular again when I attended UC Berkeley.” He continues this tradition by sending both his children to Harvard-Westlake and Archer School for Girls. When asked about why parents choose private schools over public schools, Mr. Arnold provides interesting insights.

"I wouldn't insist that parents should prefer private schools over public schools. I recommend that they find the best school district and, if possible, purchase a home within that district since property taxes often provide better value. However, it's essential to strike a balance," he notes, further emphasizing that this decision isn't straightforward and depends on various factors.

"If you have access to a school that offers the classes, teachers, electives, and reputation that align with your family's needs, you should consider enrolling there," he suggests. He also expresses concerns about the opportunities for accessing specific classes, such as robotics or coding, when class sizes are large.

Most Common Reasons for Choosing Private Schools

In conversations with parents and school officials from both public and private schools, several common themes emerged. These include smaller class sizes, enhanced opportunities for advanced coursework, and active participation in extracurricular activities.

Smaller Class Sizes: The most prevalent reason for choosing private schools is the smaller class sizes. Miriam Quintyiniera, a mother whose daughter attends Notre Dame Private School, values the school for the smaller class sizes. However, Ms. Quintyiniera also acknowledges a potential downside, noting, “The small classes can make it challenging for students to form friendships with larger groups.”

"I felt that my daughter would have more opportunities to shine and grow because of the smaller class size," said Mrs. Kelly. She recalls a teacher from the public school telling her during a parent-teacher conference, "Your daughter is so quiet, and I really don't know how she's doing. She's just slipped through the cracks because she's so quiet and compliant." This observation struck a chord with Mrs. Kelly. "I don't want my kids to slip through the cracks. I want my kids to truly matter in the classroom," she emphasizes.

For many parents who choose private schools, even with a well-funded public school system offering a wide range of advanced placement classes, the higher student-to-teacher ratio in public schools remains a significant concern, as it can impede students' access to these advanced courses.

A thought-provoking question though would be about the balance between sheltering students in homogeneous communities for their earlier years and exposing them to diversity early on. What is clear is that the world is only getting more integrated. In this increasingly interconnected world, both culturally and geographically, is it best to shelter students in smaller homogeneous communities; whether by financial, racial, or other homogeneous factors during their formative years? Should children be protected and nurtured in their early years, or should they be exposed to the real world, gaining experience in diverse communities, an experience they are likely to encounter later in college or the workforce?

Mrs. Kelly believes that early nurturing and individual attention can yield lifelong dividends, establishing a robust foundation of self-esteem. However, a pertinent question lingers: can this self-esteem endure in a more diverse world?

Elite Sports: Private schools provide access to practice sports such as crew, lacrosse and golf at the best available venues. About two-third of recruits for Ivy Leagues in these "aristocratic sports" come from private "feeder" schools, which pride themselves in experience with specialized coaching, facilities, networks of connections build over decades with Ivy Colleges.

Wealthy parents view private school sports as a pathway to an Ivy League education. In contrast, students at public schools face an uphill battle when vying for the limited spots available. Even for the few public school students who manage to be recruited to Ivy league elite sports teams, the question that needs to be explored is how they integrate with their counterparts from private schools, especially when they travel together and share housing.

Low ratings: Despite the adequate funding of public schools, some local districts receive low ratings for various reasons. "My initial reason for sending my daughter to a private school was because my local public school had a low rating. I'm not a teacher, so I didn't feel confident in my ability to supplement her academics myself," said Mrs. Kelly.

While teachers in both public and private schools are equally qualified, public schools in low-income neighborhoods often have parents who work two or three jobs to make ends meet. These households often have limited time to ensure that homework is completed or to check in on their child's progress at school. While public schools in Los Angeles offer a wide range of subjects and opportunities, early education thrives on a partnership between teachers and parents. This partnership tends to be stronger in private schools, where parents tend to be more involved.

Prepare Students for the Future: Some private schools, like Flintridge Preparatory School in La Cañada Flintridge, charge over $40,000 per year per student. These schools provide a wide range of extracurricular options and essential support systems to nurture their students. Additionally, students have the opportunity to explore multiple extracurricular activities each term. "A student can participate in football in the fall and join a robotics club or drama in the winter," says Jeanette Woo Chitjan of Flintridge Academy. "Our students are also given the support system when things don't go their way in life, to teach them how to bounce back in life."

"I believed that there would be more opportunities for her to shine and grow due to the smaller class size. In the beginning, they provide more nurturing, which equips them better to build self-esteem early on, something that's so important," said Mrs. Kelly. "It's a big world out there, so they prepare them well academically, socially, and emotionally, which is something I'm not sure public schools can do to the same extent.”

Mrs. Jeanette Woo Chitjan, Flintridge Academy.

Individual attention and caring for each child are made possible by smaller class sizes. “There's a sense of teachers caring, and if a student isn't doing their homework for an extended period, a teacher will contact the parents,” said Mrs. Kelly.

However, there are many areas where public schools prepare children better. Private schools, given their close-knit and smaller nature, can provide a more sheltered experience. In the real world, most people don't receive special treatment. Given the sheer number of students in public schools, children learn early on that access to advanced placement classes or extracurricular activities is not guaranteed. This compels them to acquire valuable life skills, such as a competitive spirit and the ability to distinguish themselves from the crowd.

Shared Value Systems with Parents: Parents often select schools where they believe the institution imparts the same values that are significant to them. “Very important values for me include kindness and caring, and I discovered that these were also core values at this private school,” said Mrs. Kelly.

The recent changes in curriculam that include early gender education and critical race theory have become controversial for some parents, as evidenced in Tamicula Valley's Unified school board. Parents feel that they have little or no control on whether their children should be exposed to topics that they are not comfortable with.

Parents' Personal Experience: Sometimes parents use their own experiences growing up to guide their decision of whether to send their children to public or private schools. "I think that people kind of project their experiences, whatever happened to them as children, a lot of times onto their kids," said Arnold. "Or they do the opposite. I think I hated this kind of school, so I want you to have something different from me.”

"I attended public school for most of my education. I had positive experiences, but during high school, I encountered some very negative situations. At one point in my life, I attended a private school in another country, and when I returned, I skipped a grade. So my association with private schools has been predominantly positive," said Mrs. Kelly.

Teacher Quality and Degree of Control:“Amazing teachers can be found everywhere, in public and private schools. However, with private schools, there's a sense that you have more say because you're paying directly out of pocket,” said Mrs. Kelly.

Diversity of Students: Private schools with boarding options often attract students from various countries, fostering international understanding. "Although the class size is a lot smaller, there are many people there who are on scholarship, so they are financially diverse," said Mrs. Kelly.

Prestige of Private Schools: In specific social circles, parents believe that enrolling their children in private schools conveys a certain level of financial status or family success. They anticipate that their children will have early networking opportunities with the upper echelons of society, and that network of connections will pay dividends.

Bullying: "I know that bullying can occur, but it's a problem that can happen in any school, be it public or private. There are kind-hearted kids in both settings,” said Mrs. Kelly.

"We have a code of conduct provided by the education department, which we adhere to," said Ms. Pinsker of SMMUSD when asked about bullying and how public schools address it.

Mental Health and Special Education Services: Parents often perceive public schools as having more resources for these services than private schools due to the absence of mandates for mental health counseling and support for students with special needs in the latter. This lack of mandates can leave parents of special needs children in smaller private schools struggling to find and fund these resources independently, outside of the private school system. However, the smaller class sizes and individual attention provided by private schools can help address these needs.

Public Schools in Los Angeles

Mrs. Gail Pinsker, Community & Public Relations Officer, Santa Monica Malibu Unified School District.

Many parents are highly content with their public school systems. Anjilne Orrlaa, who works at the Crimson Grill in Santa Monica, sends her children to the Santa Monica School District and has expressed satisfaction with public education. She also attests to the benefits she received from public school education herself.

"My children have the opportunity to interact with a diverse mix of students from various backgrounds, preparing them for life beyond school," she remarked. However, Ms. Orrlaa noted some drawbacks.

"I wish they had a dress code, as sometimes students tend to bully others based on clothing costs. I also wish they were stricter in enforcing discipline." Nonetheless, she appreciated the school's abundant academic and extracurricular offerings.

There are plenty of public schools providing good options, such as the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District, also known as SMMUSD. "We are fortunate to provide our students with multiple advanced placement opportunities," says Gail Pinsker, SMMUSD's Community & Public Relations Officer.

No Crystal Ball

In the end, it appears that every parent is striving to do their best for their children. When it comes to schools, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of whether to choose private schools over public schools. Each student's unique needs, family belief systems, financial situation, the educational and extracurricular resources offered by schools, and various other factors all come into play when making this decision.

"There is a plethora of information available, and you might make mistakes or need to reconsider your choices. Both excellent public and private schools exist. I wasn't opposed to sending my children to public elementary school, but we ultimately opted for the private school route," Mr. Arnold says. Despite choosing the private school path, he advises against advocating for private schools over public schools, as the decision depends on several factors.

"I just believe there's no crystal ball to determine what is best," said Mrs. Kelly. "There are excellent teachers on both sides. I recently watched 'A Million Miles Away,' the new movie that serves as a tribute to a public school teacher. Public school teachers can change lives, and exceptional teachers, whether in private or public settings, have the power to make a difference."